TrustThe cycle of socialization engenders and perpetuates distrust. Social identities that are marginalized in our society carry the stigma of this distrust. With children, we do not trust that they are caring human beings. We do not trust children’s ability to regulate themselves (food, media, sleep, etc…). We do not trust their ability to learn what they need to know and when they need to know it. We do not trust their ability to grow and develop into caring, respectful adults.Because we do not trust them we try to control them. We enter into the cycle of control to ensure that they develop into the kind of adults that are required by our socialization. We send them to schools that use the banking education model. Children are empty vessels to be filled with knowledge. We force them to eat on schedule and eat particular foods in a certain order. We restrict their access to media because they cannot discern what is good for them. We require them to say please and thank you, even if we do not as adults use those words in return. We coerce and force children to do things they do not want to do because it is “good” for them. We use time-outs and withhold our approval because they would not do what is right without the threat of punishment or the loss of our love. What if we abandoned the idea that children cannot be trusted? What would be left? We would honor their developmental process. Greyson, with my support and facilitation, will learn new ways to express frustration that do not involve hitting people. We would create space for children to learn at a pace that is right for them. Martel learned to read when it was the right time for him with ease. We would honor their bodies and the rhythms of their life. Greyson will tell me in words or action when he is ready for sleep and if he is not, I can honor that he needs to stay up a bit longer. If they do not want to hug or be hugged, we would honor the boundaries they set for their own bodies. Trust would be the path to freedom for both children and adults. If we begin trust them, we would regain the trust we once had in ourselves. |
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Parenting for Social Change
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"This is a book that took courage to write....Yes, excellent."
~Bob Collier, The Parental Intelligence Newsletter
"This is a brilliant book-- provocative and passionate."
~Charles F. Behling, parent and former Co-director of the Program on Intergroup Relations
"Graham Brett helps her readers dig deep into how we may have been controlled as children – largely due to the social and cultural environments of the time – and to consider how they shape our views as parents."
~Wendy Priesnitz, Life Learning Magazine
Parenting for Social Change is a powerful parenting book that …isn’t really about children, but about the harmful cultural messages we, as parents, perpetuate in our relationships with children.
…addresses the work we as parents must do to free ourselves, the children who share our lives, and our world from those harmful messages.
…debunks, using current research, the myth that controlling children is necessary to ensure they grow into healthy, responsible, and valuable adults.
…demonstrates how changing our parent-child relationships plays a critical role in creating social change.
…gives parents strategies and tools for letting go of harmful control of children.