Is TV Subversive?I often read articles in the mainstream and alternative media about the dangers of children watching television. Whether it is the violence depicted in shows or the consumer mentality promoted in commercials, we are encouraged to limit exposure to television.I, too, believed that Martel would be violent if he watched Power Rangers or any other shows besides those on PBS. When I began to let go of media control, I spent a lot more time watching television with Martel. In the last year he has expanded his range of favorite TV shows. Most are on Cartoon Network and include Ben 10 Ultimate Alien, Teen Titans, Generator Rex, and The Kids Next Door. When I first started watching these shows, I disliked them. They are filled with fighting and battles. Then I began to look more deeply at the themes depicted. What these shows really portrayed were strong, young people who made a difference in their worlds. These characters often had special powers that allowed them to save the world or battle evil. Adults in these shows often depend on the younger characters to save their communities. The kids in these shows are not relegated to going to school and doing homework at the behest of adults. They are powerful, smart and self-actualized. They do important things. In fact, I have come to gain great appreciation for The Kids Next Door, who actually say that their mission is to battle “oppression by adults!” I started thinking more about why these shows resonated with Martel and how they challenge the adult-dominated and adult-controlled world. These shows subvert the dominant paradigm. When I controlled what Martel watched, I did not feel the need to watch with him. Our lives together are much more enriched through watching these shows together. I feel as though I gain insight into what is going on for him when we talk about the shows and share that experience. His world opens up to me in ways it did not when I was not willing to give up power over his choices. On the other hand, there are instances in which some shows reinforce other paradigms and stereotypes around gender, race or sexual orientation that are difficult for me. Part of my challenge when this happens is to remain in dialogue mode with Martel, rather than lecture. Even though I have particular experiences and opinions about sexual orientation, race, or gender, I am not necessarily the “owner” of truth and knowledge. Rather than impose my view of what is happening, I have to work to engage in a process that examines BOTH of our world-views. Inquiring about how Martel might be experiencing a character or show rather than just telling him what I think can open up a dialogue that creates trust and respect as much as it engages both of us in critical analysis of our experiences. However, it can be hard for me to not go into the role of using my power as an adult to get him to accept my view of what is right and just. In fact, when I use domination and control to impose the “right” values on "my" child, I merely reinforce through my actions that the individual or group in power has the right to define the truth. Using oppression and domination to teach about "justice" might seem more natural because of my own experiences of being dominated, but it merely reinforces the paradigm and continues the status quo. Instead, together, Martel’s truth and my truth can come together and we both learn in the process, while we transform the power relationships between adult and child.
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"This is a book that took courage to write....Yes, excellent."
~Bob Collier, The Parental Intelligence Newsletter
"This is a brilliant book-- provocative and passionate."
~Charles F. Behling, parent and former Co-director of the Program on Intergroup Relations
"Graham Brett helps her readers dig deep into how we may have been controlled as children – largely due to the social and cultural environments of the time – and to consider how they shape our views as parents."
~Wendy Priesnitz, Life Learning Magazine
Parenting for Social Change is a powerful parenting book that …isn’t really about children, but about the harmful cultural messages we, as parents, perpetuate in our relationships with children.
…addresses the work we as parents must do to free ourselves, the children who share our lives, and our world from those harmful messages.
…debunks, using current research, the myth that controlling children is necessary to ensure they grow into healthy, responsible, and valuable adults.
…demonstrates how changing our parent-child relationships plays a critical role in creating social change.
…gives parents strategies and tools for letting go of harmful control of children.