Our Socialization as ChildrenWhen I write about our socialization as children, I am not, at this point, referencing the kind that occurs around gender identity, race, sexual orientation, religious identity, ethnicity, national origin, or ability status. The reason I write about what we are taught about childhood and our status as children is that I believe this socialization process is the foundation for reinforcing the power of some groups over others based on social identity, in essence, prejudice, discrimination, and oppression.The idea of adult authority figures establishing normative relationships that use domination and control to force children to behave in ways acceptable to adults, creates fertile ground for believing that the use of power over others based on social identities is acceptable and expected. We normalize “power-over” dynamics. Oppression and discrimination are normalized from birth through our lived experiences as children. In my own experiences as a child, I grew up with a father and mother who loved me and wanted the best for me. They hoped that my life would be better than theirs. I could certainly write about the dysfunction in my family. I even used to believe that my feelings about what it meant to be a child in my family were merely the result of the personal problems carried into our family by my parents. Once I had children, I began to see this differently. Despite the fact that I have spent over 20 years professionally working on issues of diversity and then social justice in higher education, it was not until Martel and Greyson came into my life that I began to see the ways in which children are marginalized as individuals and as a group merely because of their social identity as "non-adults". In fact, until the last two years, and at times even now, I have used my power as an adult to diminish the power of my children and other children. I am still in the process of unlearning adultism. Just as the process for unlearning racism, sexism, homophobia and other –isms is lifelong, so is learning to create relationships with my children that are not based on the oppressive paradigm I learned as a child. Using parenting triggers to begin to move out of our socialization...
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Creating the Relationship
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Parenting for Social Change
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"This is a book that took courage to write....Yes, excellent."
~Bob Collier, The Parental Intelligence Newsletter
"This is a brilliant book-- provocative and passionate."
~Charles F. Behling, parent and former Co-director of the Program on Intergroup Relations
"Graham Brett helps her readers dig deep into how we may have been controlled as children – largely due to the social and cultural environments of the time – and to consider how they shape our views as parents."
~Wendy Priesnitz, Life Learning Magazine
Parenting for Social Change is a powerful parenting book that …isn’t really about children, but about the harmful cultural messages we, as parents, perpetuate in our relationships with children.
…addresses the work we as parents must do to free ourselves, the children who share our lives, and our world from those harmful messages.
…debunks, using current research, the myth that controlling children is necessary to ensure they grow into healthy, responsible, and valuable adults.
…demonstrates how changing our parent-child relationships plays a critical role in creating social change.
…gives parents strategies and tools for letting go of harmful control of children.