Rethinking Trust

I often write and say, “trust the process” when working with others around dialogue or in thinking and writing about growth and learning. Despite my words and proclamations that I trust Martel and Greyson’s developmental and learning processes, perhaps my trust is about expecting they will make the choices I believe are right. I “trust” them and amazingly, they do the “right” thing (at least right for me).

Perhaps I fool myself into thinking that they have the freedom to choose a particular path, but instead I am manipulating them so they choose the path that is most comfortable for me.

As Greyson moved into being three, he struggled with his ability to control what was happening around him to get the outcome he desired. I suppose this probably applies to all of us, even adults. I often felt, or even write, that I trust he will learn to express his feelings in ways that don’t physically or psychologically hurt others. Am I truly trusting his process, or am I expecting that his process will result in the outcome I want?

In some ways, I think that my trust has been quite conditional and manipulative. I want him to learn to regulate his feelings because that will easier on me in my role as parent. The sooner he becomes self-regulating then the more I can disengage and move onto to doing other things. Is it truly best for him and his process? Am I pushing him to reach this “outcome” too soon, rather than just being with him in his own process without a predetermined outcome?

I don’t have the all the answers to these questions and feelings about trust. But, I am glad for the opportunity to rethink my notions about trust and manipulation.

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