Differences and Deficiencies

I believe that we need to acknowledge and understand our differences, whether those differences are related to our group identities (such as race, gender, age, sexual orientation) or our individual uniqueness, as well as understanding the commonalities that we share. Differences become divisive and harmful when one group uses its power to define those differences as evidence of the deficiencies of another group.

In our paradigm of control and domination, though we may not be willing to admit it, we see the differences in children as evidence of their deficiencies. We define children as irrational and impulsive. They are prone to temper tantrums. When they make decisions that we disagree with, we believe that those decisions are flawed because they lack critical knowledge and information that only adults can possess. Their differences are liabilities. They are inferior to adults. As such, our responsibility is to use our power to control them until they have proven to us that they are capable of controlling their own lives.

When we see children as different from us, and don’t place value judgments on those differences, we can approach our relationship from a place of respect for their experiences and world-views. We can choose to try and understand their worlds. Rather than judge them based on an adult world-view, we can try to see a different perspective that might well teach us and inform our view of the world as well.

If we respect children and their voices, feelings, emotions and experiences as real and valid, they are also more likely to treat others with the same respect. When I interact with Martel and Greyson my desire is that they feel as though they matter, not that they are less than me. I want them to know that although we may see the world differently, there is room for both of our perspectives. I also believe that together in this relationship we can expand both of our perspectives, as adults and children, to gain an even better understanding of our lives and experiences.

I often fall short of my desired way of interacting with them, because of where I may be at in any given moment. Acknowledging this and moving forward allows me to continuing the process of being in dialogue with them and creating space where we all can make “mistakes” and we all learn from those experiences.

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