Congruence of Values and Behavior

I have been thinking a lot lately about congruence between espoused values and behavior. When I articulate my values, I think it is possible for me to sound as though I have “arrived” at the place being able to live those values everyday. Often there is not congruence between my values and my behavior. When I experience this inconsistency, I feel it. My emotions may run the gamut from discomfort to anger during those times.

One of my reasons for creating this website and newsletter was to try and illuminate the ways in which I aspire to be a particular kind of person (and parent) and the ways in which I fall short. Writing about the things I learn everyday help me to keep learning.

I have often fallen into the trap of comparing myself to others and finding myself lacking. We are socialized to create a pretty picture of our lives. The holiday letters that we receive that describe all the great things that happened during that year are a reminder of this tendency. And yes, I have sent them too!

I had a friend (and family member) who recently posted on facebook that she was going to only write about the challenging things happening to her in order to be more real. She encouraged others to be real on their posts.

I write about my challenges as a way to keep myself real. I have not arrived at the destination of being a respectful, loving parent all the time. Frankly, I don’t expect to ever arrive at that destination. I make many mistakes everyday. At times I have a lot of difficulty accepting my mistakes as just a mistake, rather than as reaffirmation of my lack of worth as a human being. I struggle with not being perfect, but then I also know that I have no desire to be perfect.

One of the ways I look to move through and beyond my mistakes (hopefully after accepting them) is to look at how I was socialized to in order to understand the underlying dynamics of my experiences, feelings and behavior

Although I focus on the cycle of socialization and how we learn to disempower children, I still know that I am making choices about my behavior. Just because we are part of a system, does not absolve us of accountability for our actions. Examining this socialization is merely a tool for me to push beyond the socialization and liberate my thinking and my behavior.

What’s new?

The Power of Resistance

Reflecting on a day I had with Greyson reinforces for me the power of resistance. The more I resist my feelings the stronger they become. Read the rest of this article….

Life as Performance

As babies and children who grow up in a culture that embraces power and control over others, we learn that in order to maintain the love and acceptance of our parents and other adults who care for us, we must often push down our own feelings and needs. We learn to perform for others so that we can get some of our needs met. Read more of this article...

Thanks as always for your support of my newsletter and website!

All the best, Teresa